For the past week I’ve been humming Paul McCartney’s Live and Let Die, the Propeller Heads’ version of Her Majesty’s Secret Service, and the Avengers theme. My iPod has even been afflicted with a play list called iSpy. For this I blame the 2007 Mini Cooper S, which I’ve concluded is the near perfect car for a gay super-spy.

For a proper gay super-spy, no crotch-stuffing super car would do. The Austin-Martin Vanquish? That screams “compensation”. The Mini Cooper S, a wanton little retro-esque sexpot that puts the “hot” in hot hatchback, says, “I’m comfortable with what I’ve got.”

It should be secure, the new 1.6-liter, all-aluminum 4-cylinder engine with twin-scroll turbo, pumps out 172hp. Making for a top speed of 139mph (claimed), at which point the prison guards are no longer role-play. What determines how quickly the Cooper S reaches “illegality”, however, is the twisting force of the tires, or torque.

Purring along, with a Bond-boy at your side, the engine produces 177 pound-feet of torque through most of the rpm range, more than ample for a small car. But the Cooper S has “overboost”, and how spy is that term?

You don’t get to flip a toggle or shout “Hit the overboost!”, but mat the accelerator and the turbo briefly peaks the torque to 192 pound-feet, shoving you into your seat and punting you from 0-60mph in 6.7 seconds (claimed). Exciting? More than a little. A front wheel drive, the Cooper S’s run-flat tires scramble for traction like a startled cat on linoleum. Torque steer tugs the wheel. And passes are executed with extreme prejudice shocking pursuing drivers - if the menacing black SUVs ever got close.

The handling whips you around corners like a cat-o-nine-tails snap and lane changes are done with cartoon physics. “Engage the sport mode” (go ahead saying it aloud) and the electrically assisted power steering and throttle response tauten, resulting in handling tighter than a fetishist’s vinyl cat suit.